That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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