Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
