apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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