Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
