I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize