I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
