Need sex. Gaining weight.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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