What a fucking waste of an outfit
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have fence marks all over my body
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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