In the future we'll all be gay
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
