At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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