can u get pink eye on your cock?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
