Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
