i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
