What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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