god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
