Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
How's work?
Spinning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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