We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
