She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
