My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
