I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
