I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
