Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
