im drinking this country out of the recession.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
