I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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