i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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