yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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