Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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