the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
