its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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