I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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