I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is the prime rib incident all over again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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