I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
