well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
