See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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