The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
