please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
