We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
