Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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