JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
