i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
did you just send me my own nude
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
