Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were destined to go to rehab together
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize