U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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