I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
