Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
