do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
