You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
