I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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