i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize