i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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