I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
