Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
