there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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