I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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