We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
