who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
