Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I want to be your penis for a week.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
