Don't make out with my wife yet
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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