My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
