Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Randomize
