i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize