Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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