At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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