This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
