I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
