Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Did I show you my penis last night?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
