I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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