last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
