Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
