while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
