what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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