Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
