I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
