I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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