5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
