Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Someone signed my nipple.
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