Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
