My liver just broke up with me...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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