happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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