I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
