I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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