Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
